Hello and welcome. Please make yourselves comfortable. The presentation will begin shortly.
Okay, I see some of you are still filing in, that’s fine, we will get started. Before we do, I just want to say that I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedules to be here, my assistant will be passing around a clipboard. Please write down your name, email address and social security number (don’t). We will see to it that you receive the free glass vase as promised at the end of the presentation. There is coffee in the back of the room. It taste like cigarettes and regret, but your free vase will more than make up for it.
Now you may be asking yourself, why are you here? I know the brochure mentioned a possible investment opportunity. An investment in what you might ask?
I like to think this is a group of people willing to challenge the perceived constructs of the term “investment opportunity”. What I have to offer is not your typical get rich quick scheme. Actually, there is no money involved at all. What I want you to do is to invest your time and emotion, which is worth more than any quantifiable dollar amount.
This presentation is a comprehensive list of reasons to hate Bubba Watson. Walk with me as we journey down the path to enlightenment.
Let us start the presentation with a little background on the enigma that is a Bubba Watson. Watson was born in Bagdad, Florida. And as we all know, Bagdad is a hotbed for terrorism. As a result, Bubba has been terrorizing those around him for years.
It would be easy for an objective journalist to stop here and dismiss the fact that Bagdad, Florida is a million miles away from Baghdad, Iraq, an actual hotbed for terrorism. But, I am not a real journalist and I am far from objective. At least in regards to our boy Bubba.
I should also note that Florida claims 11 of the top 100 most dangerous cities in the United States. Coincidence? I think not.
Now that you have had a brief and eye opening introduction to professional golf’s main antagonist, I am going to interject here and disclose that I have a vested interest in your potential hatred for Bubba Watson. In order to maintain transparency I must admit, I myself, am a Bubba hater. There is something very freeing about being able to admit that in front of you. A freedom I hope you all get to experience one day.
It all started when I witnessed Bubba, live on TV, berate his caddie Ted Scott in the final round of the Traveler’s Championship. The video which has since been deleted off the face of the internet, shows an angry Watson, belittling Ted Scott for choosing the wrong club. Bubba makes it clear that the outcome of his terrible strike was not a result of his playing ability on that day, but in fact, Scott’s egregious suggestion of which club to hit (subjectively, could have been the right club). This lack of accountability on Watson’s part was just the beginning of my foray into Bubba Watson hate territory.
Side note: Shout out to Bubba’s PR team for getting that clip off the internet.
Another thing, among many, Watson struggles with is the media. Now I know members of the media can be a little intrusive from time to time. However, as a professional, and one who gets paid boat loads of money to play a game, you must be somewhat cordial with reporters reporting on the game you play for boat loads of money. And yes, I am aware that I repeated myself twice in one sentence. I did so to prove a point. My presentation, my rules. Free vase, don’t forget.
Now that I have revealed my personal feelings towards Bubba, it is time we get back to swaying yours.
In a 2015 survey conducted by Espn ,103 professional golfers were surveyed about various things in relation to the PGA tour. However, One of the questions pertained to who they would be least likely help in a fist fight. Bubba Watson was the clear cut winner. He claimed the crown in decisive fashion, doubling the next closest candidate in votes.
This is just another indication of Watson’s unlikable nature. It says a lot about a guy when your singled out as the person nobody wants to help.
Lastly, I want to touch on the whole Bubba Watson “funny guy” thing. It seems to resonate with absolutely nobody. Watson’s lack of self awareness supersedes his actions towards other people and spills into his humor. There is nothing funny about the guy, yet he carries on this whole “look I am a professional golfer that is goofy” shtick. Ironically, he hardly acts professional and is zero goofy, on a scale of one to goofy. Watson is literally off the chart to the negative.
However, with all persuasive presentations, it is important to remain objective. As such, I must acknowledge that Golf Boys part one was actually funny. Not because of Bubba mind you, but he did in fact take part in it. Ben Crane, the mastermind behind the project, co starred with Hunter Mehan, Ricky Fowler along side not funny guy, Bubba Watson.
Crane is the perfect example of a golfer who is a funny guy. He scores goofy.3 on the scale. Polar opposite of the unfunny Bubba Watson. Is Crane a mediocre professional golfer? Yes. Is he painfully slow in his pre-shot routine? Yes. Is he funny? Hard yes. Is Bubba Watson? Absolutely not.
In conclusion, I want to thank you for your time, time that I hope you invest into actively rooting against Bubba Watson in the future.
As we exit out of browsers and carry on with our lives, I want to leave you with this… I know I am just one man, hating a professional golfer. With your help we can be many hating a professional golfer together. Please, I beg of you, stand with me and stand for something.